July 31, 2009

Obama’s Beer Garden Summit

Posted in Fun w/Photos, Top 6 tagged , , , at 9:48 am by Andrew

I give Obama a lot of credit for his handling of his mishandling of Gates-Gate. He clearly dropped the ball when he described the policeman’s actions as “stupidly.” But instead of avoiding the problem and simply invading a country, as some presidents might do, he followed up and convened the Obama Beer Garden Summit. Well played.

[Tangent: Am I wrong, or has the media not labeled this situation “Gates-Gate”? Seems like an obvious term, given everyone’s penchant to tag “gate” on the end of everything. Now it’s finally clever…and no one uses it! Oh well…another DwyerTime original.]

Anyway, the photos from the beer summit provide unlimited material for comedians and the clever, and I can’t wait to see what Saturday Night Live eventually comes up with. Should be classic.

So, I have the photo here, and I want to point out a few things…

Obama Beer Garden

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First, wouldn’t it be hysterical if Biden’s mug was nearly empty while everyone else’s went practically untouched? You can imagine Joe downing his brew and then plowing through the mixed nuts while waiting for his next beer. Patient no more, Biden flags down the butler and says “Hey, beer me.” The server then has to inform the VP, that, “Uhmm, I’m sorry sir, but the President gave us strict orders that you were on a one beer limit.” Biden responds with a “Son of a… OK, then at least bring me more of these mixed nutties.”

You can also see in the photo that Officer Crowley is in mid-drink. Word is this is when he directed at Gates one of those “[cough]loser” barbs under his breath. Gates missed it, thankfully, but Biden saw it and was all “Yeeeah Buuooy!” and rewarded Sullivan with a high-five.

Apart from the important racial tolerance talk, Obama was proud to make headway on another front. The President has long been jealous of the First Lady’s power over the fashion world, what with the surge in popularity of women showing off their guns in sleeveless dresses, even during formal state dinners. So while Michelle is boosting J. Crew, Barack is showing his own sway — his patio table is a huge hit, and across the country people are buying up the same model…just $29 at Wal-Mart.

Seriously, wouldn’t you expect a nicer patio table at the White House? Something in a teak or a classic glass/wrought iron combo? This table looks like a Rubbermaid model they assembled that morning. And the chairs…they’re classic low-riders for solo-sunning — not appropriate for chatting tableside with friends. Biden nearly busted his gut every time he had to curl himself up to the nuts.

It’s also interesting that Obama and Biden shed their coats and rolled up their sleeves (just two folds, of course), while guests Gates and Crowley remained formal. Not surprising, I guess, because even though you’re drinking beer with the Leader of the Free World, you’re still his wingman, not his equal. I also give credit for everyone dodging the classic white-collar mistake — having your dress pants exceed your sock coverage and exposing the calf. That’s bush-league, and these four gentlemen stayed classy, America.

The only trouble during the summit was when Biden leaned too far back in his chair, flipping over backward and kicking the table in the process. Servants quickly uprighted him and all was good.

So again, I give Obama tons of credit for handling things with deft and cool. It’s only a matter of time before we see Barack on the cover of Mens’ Health…again.

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July 24, 2009

Not Fat in Colorado

Posted in Just Darn Clever tagged , , at 9:49 am by Andrew

As was widely reported last month, a new study shows that obesity rates continue to climb. No surprise there, unfortunately. But Colorado shined with the country’s best (aka, lowest) obesity rate in the country.

Using my extensive scientific background, I will now put forth my theory on the cause of Colorado’s non-fatness. You’ll be glad to know this iron-clad theory isn’t bogged down by data and facts. Rather, it’s based solely on personal observation — the gold standard of academic study. Here goes…

First, a high percentage (who knows the exact number?) of Coloradans are non-native, i.e., we moved here by choice. We live here because we want to, not because we have to.  We were attracted by the sun, dry air, and lack of mosquitoes, not to mention the gorgeous mountains and all the things you can do on gorgeous mountains (hiking, camping, running, gawking, biking, kayaking, climbing, etc.).

(Tangent: It’s common to see bumper stickers here in Colorado that say “Native.” As if a native Coloradan deserves bonus respect or occupies a higher plain than we immigrants. Well, I guess they deserve credit for not moving away, but frankly, I think I deserve more credit for moving here.  Science backs me up on this — Some scientist named Kinetic proved that moving is harder than staying. So take that you natives!)

Second (and in case you forgot, I’m explaining why CO enjoys low fatness), if the average Coloradan had enough clarity to choose to move to CO, I’m thinking we enjoy high self awareness. We’re less likely to spend the afternoon at Starbucks, kvetching with others about “finding my inner me.” We don’t waste time eyeing the half-glass or greener grass.

Coloradans are more likely to have charted their own course and are following it.

Third, since so many Coloradans are here by choice, we probably do a better job at the whole work/life balance thing. If we moved here because we love kayaking, we’re probably not logging 80 hours/week in the office while our REI kayak sits unused in the garage, like they do elsewhere in the country. We leave the office behind and go enjoy ourselves.

So my theory is pretty clear at this point, right? If, compared to the rest of the country, Coloradans have done a better job at identifying and pursuing our interests, we’re less likely to be filled with angst, and less likely to combat that angst by filling ourselves with self-medicated food. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that Colorado activities are of the calorie-burning type mentioned above.

So there it is, in full scientific methodness, explanation as to why we Coloradans endure less fatosity than the rest of the country.

As Will Ferrell as George Bush said…you’re welcome, America.